it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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