she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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