Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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