Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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