I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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