well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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