you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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