it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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