I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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