her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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