1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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