Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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