I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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