I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize