Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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