i jhust puked up my retainher.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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