My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize