Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize