she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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