You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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