Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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