If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize