made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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