turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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