I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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