rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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