Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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