Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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