Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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