I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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