i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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