Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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