Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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