i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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