you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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