I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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