Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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