HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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