So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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