I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize