Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize