No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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