I faked an abortion last night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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