I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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