he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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