i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize