Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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