so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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