This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize