I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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